Come Together? Or Fall Apart?

Over the summer I had lost something that I didn't know I would miss as much as I did. At first i took the feeling to just be a feeling of guilt, or loneliness since my best friend would no longer be around everyday. But as the emotion got stronger and refused to go away, i realized something, that i had passed by possibly one of the greatest opportunities that life had to give; love. It brought me to question where the fine line between friend and lover was drawn, and if the line was maybe not a solid line at all, but a dashed line, in which feelings could easily slide through the openings. But then another thought occurred to me; maybe the initial line was solid at the beginning of a friendship, but then parts of the line were erased as the friendship got stronger, and that this is where the confusion starts. Friendly gestures such as rubbing a person's arm to comfort them can be taken to mean something entirely different where lines are thin or dashed. When good friends get as close as people can get without being in a relationship, is there even a line anymore, i mean, can two people ever really be as close as a married couple without being attracted to each other, either physically, emotionally, or sexually? It jut seems that in a lot of high school relationships, many hearts are broken when feelings of attraction to a close friend are not shared by the person who is being admired. But it would seem that when this happened to me, i just felt confused and couldn't get past being this person's friend until he left. As soon as he left for college, my feelings started to change, i couldn't stop thinking that i should have stayed with him and that i loved him. The first time i had those thoughts, i pushed them aside as absurd, telling myself that i was just missing him as a friend and that my guilt was overriding my true feelings, and that once i got used to him being at college the feelings would go away.
I went to California to visit my family, and found myself thinking about him every night. Not only was i utterly confused as to what i was feeling, but i began to think about how we had said goodbye, an awkward hug as i pushed him out the door. It occurred to me in the dark one night that i had been shooing him out the door not because i had to be somewhere but because i didn't want to say goodbye, that i couldn't accept his leaving. A month after being in California, I went on vacation with my best girl friend, to South Carolina. I thought that this trip would definitely help these feelings o subside. but to my horror, the feeling got more intense, and i found myself crying every night because suddenly understood what i had just lost. A best friend, someone who loved me unconditionally no matter what stupid, irrational things i did. Someone who listened to my every problem, every thought, every word, no matter what it was he was always on my side and now he was gone. How had this happened? When had my mind decided that he was no longer just my friend, but something more? When i came home from my trip, things just got worse. And then, after days of long conversations with him about what i was feeling, everything came together on September 8th, 2008. And we are together still. But things have not been smooth riding, there were some bumps along the way as i learned things i wish i hadn't, things that he wishes had never happened. But our past cannot be changed, so there is no use dwelling on it.
But i wonder still, first loves, how long can they last? It is painstaking to think that there could ever be another person in my life, or in his. But the truth? I honestly don't now what my future has in store, and quite frankly i'm so happy in the present, that i don't want to know. But still question haunts me, can a person as distracted as i am, who goes through almost 20 outfits a week, be satisfied with just one, utterly wonderful person, for the rest of her life? No matter how badly i want to, and believe that i will, there is still doubt that my mind wont stray, that one day we might want to explore. We are so young, not even halfway through our lives even! How can a person say for sure, at the age of 17, that she has found her soul mate? I believe that my relationship with this man is going to last forever, but i am still immature and inexperienced, so does that make my dreams childish? Should my curiosity be subdued when my temptation arises? I hate to think about these things, but one day they will be inevitable. All I know now, is that i have never been happier, and i want it to last as long as i breathe, i wouldn't change anything for the world. My gut tells me that we will one day be married, but my mind reminds me that i still have a long way to go before i get to the point where i'll be ready for marriage, there are many tadventures and experiences inbetween then and now just waiting for me to encounter, and i wants to take every chance i get, because the last time i let something slip away, i almost lost the most important thing in my life.